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Tales of Layton Rakes

by Star Botherers

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    13 track album - complete with 16 page lyric booklet

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1.
13 years in Oregon I’m loaded in a bar, yeah - Boston house Passed the time with slides and whiskey As the rain came down The deadfall didn't catch me but the blackjack did woke up in the morning on a full rigged brig The gold rush took the pool Andrew Miller paid for men Two thousand and the Indian Two shave whores, men from the morgue drunk and drugged it's all aboard Shanghaied waking on a ship Shanghaied, head bursting split I don't recognise my name Now I'm heading for the Orient with no pay The rolling ship it cursed the waves The ladders saw him fall The bosons loaded to the gunwales Like the night before The captain in a fiery rage called the cabin boy He says bring the captains daughter, her services employed Now Young Turk got our pity, the cat came from the sack Tied screaming to the bimmy more than 50 cross his back When he died three days later, did you hear his prays o-lord? The old man gave the order and we threw him overboard Chorus Three months blood money paid for me To the king of the crimps Bunco Kelly He’s a wealthy man, cos he sold my misery And now I know that worse things happen out at sea Chorus I served aboard for many the year From the orient to Portland pier Took the blows and sore abuse Woken for the sailors use My youth both loved and despised Turn him over damn his eyes Pick that meat from off his bones and throw the rest to Davy Jones
2.
Spoons 03:20
10o’clock, here’s the suicide squad down at Wetherspoons. Coffee fills the air cos it’s advertised A pot is bubbling on the side. At eleven o’clock here come the football boys, town’s at home today There’s a guy with an hole in his jacket on the bandit and he’s happy while he’s throwing all his money away. The bars’ getting busy, it’s dinnertime Now they drink coffee some chat over wine And the staff are running round on minimum wage. At 2 o’clock you can see the noise, the calm before the storm The football boys announce their departure and arrival with a song here we go, here we go here we go The Wi-Fi is free; some have two phones one is for work and another for home Now we all get to spend more time together alone. Every time I go to a Wetherspoons, I wonder what it used to be, A cinema, a swimming pool an opera house, the pictures on the wall will tell me. There’s a quote on the wall, control the past control the present No use for cash, people pay with their phones order food with an app Now they got ya details, you’ve just been had Every time I go to a Wetherspoons, I see Orwell spin in his grave, cos the moon under water’s nothing like it oughta be. At 6 o’clock there’s a change of staff There’s a change in mood when a glass is smashed on a big TV you can see the results Town have lost again, at the bar there’s a scuffle But there’s normally trouble, win or lose or a draw There’s nothing to see, your life’s on repeat You got 8 more hours on your feet So ignore the abuse you’ve got targets to meet You got punters to serve and a shithouse to clean There’s a row about the beer mats 48 and the 52 That’s hardly the many and it’s barely the few The night gets longer the stories get taller As the drinks get smaller, it seems everyone gets louder Then the hens lift the spirits when they arrive But it comes to an end with sirens and blues lights
3.
Blackpool 03:51
BLACKPOOL Blackpool is the home of shit tattoos it's the home of the STD it's home to its fair share of knob head bouncers and Gypsy Rosie Lee the spiritual home of Stanley Matthews Where Alan Bradley died the stag night capital of the world Every weekend there’s a fight – fight -fight Where the hat sez kiss me quick And the rocks three quid a stick You can get your fortune told, if you cross Rosie’s palm with gold – gold – gold She said love is on the cards for you But be mindful of your health In spoons you’ll met a lady That’s the cards that you’ve been dealt An encounter with a strangers gonna hurt you for a while I smiled she winked and I said goodbye I checked my watch 10:30, I was getting thirsty so it’s breakfast and a pint for me A steady stroll up to the pier I’m getting ready for that beer When suddenly this girl appears We was outside Layton rakes I was there to meet my mates For breakfast and some beers Her patina from Ibiza Her bag from Matalan The tattoo on her neck Was done in honour of her gran I bought the girl a drink or two and laid on all my charms 3 blue wickeds later she was wrapped up in my arms I found love in Blackpool We rode the donkeys on the beach I kissed her on the big one And back at the B&B I found love in Blackpool On a stag night with me mates All the lads got tattoos To remind us of the day We saw the sites, drank in the bars And marvelled at the tower We was back in spoons for happy hour We was sitting at the bar, I heard some chanting from afar That’s went things turned sour I found out to my cost That the Seasiders had lost a big lad took a swing at me All I did was ask the score Then I woke up on the floor I think that’s what Rosie had seen I lost some teeth in Blackpool The bouncer bust my jaw Them knob heads wouldn’t listen They threw me out the door I lost some teeth in Blackpool Now I’m eating through a straw And I came back with herpes And my tattoo is bleeding, it’s weeping, it’s angry My tattoo is angry and raw.
4.
Let it stand 03:02
There’s a statue planned for Grantham I don’t think, it’s gonna last long I don’t think it’s gonna last long at all Cos whatever it’s made from it’s gonna have to be strong or surrounded by a forty foot wall Hated by the lefties, worshipped by the right It’s a target for a viral vid, viral overnight Northern town destruction There’s no calcium in my bones There’s’ a Lack of social housing an affordable homes Your legacy is everywhere for everyone see There’s no such thing as society You drove the nail in the coffin of communities Now ghost town generations Live your policies With zero hour contracts, food banks for the poor In-work poverty – listen up there’s more This verse is nothing new, you know its 40 years old All that once was British has now been sold Life blood of communities all shut down So every where’s the same in these forgotten northern towns So let it stand, as a symbol to lost workers’ rights Let it stand to remind us of the miners’ strike Let it stand as a monument to the poll tax riots and let it stand to unite us , don’t give up the fight. The greengrocer’s daughter on a pedestal Surrounded by CCTV That’s nothing to admire And it’s nothing to aspire to Hateful ideology Sink or swim divisive rule Designed to see the weakest fall Cruel and ruthless Heartless conscious Profits over people So let it stand as a beacon to hope not hate Let it stand in defiance of section 28 Let it stand for resistance to all that’s wrong And let it stand as inspiration for a protest song Let it stand in isolation As cold as stone Let it spark imagination To ask why is she alone Let it stand in wretched glory Let it tell its wretched story As a lesson to us all let it stand.
5.
Just around the corner The day I bought my council house, was the best day of my life A loan for double glazing to please the lovely wife I got myself a little shed to house my little bike, I got a job just round the corner, was a job that I quite liked. just around the corner, was a job that I quite liked. we raised a little family, a girl a boy a dog Debbie sue, and Jason and a mongrel we called Bob and we’d have fish and chips, Friday, night the kids are both in bed there’s nothing on the telly and my bike locked in the shed , Well I'm up for work on Saturday cos we've got bills to pay there’s the mortgage and the windows some for a rainy day and I'm lucky cos I've got a job that I quite like it was just around the corner I go on my old bike I rode to work one morning, my boss he sez to me We got no choice to lay men off and move the factory You’ll have to take a pay cut, but at least you keep your job be happy you're not one of those facing the chop Well I broke the news to my dear wife that very afternoon I sez , don't you fret and worry love it's not all doom and gloom We'll have to buy a car tho, it’s a forty mile commute So it’s a good job that we got savings, we can dip into Now it's chips n peas on a Friday night The kids won't go to bed still nothing on the telly now my cars parked by the shed , nothing on the telly and my Rovers by the shed I'm at work on Sunday too, we got more bills to pay there’s the mortgage, car insurance road tax and mot I used to have a job that I quite liked just around the corner I'd go on my old bike just around the corner I'd go on my old bike I drove to work one evening there's a meeting in’t canteen the men are down there's no morale the worst Its ever seen the gaffers have us gathered now, here comes the body blow the factory is shutting down your jobs have got to go now there’s no more chips on a Friday night the kids do in my head x factor's on the telly and some git broke in my shed Now I’m on the scrap heap but I don't give a toss I couldn’t work for nothing or that wanker of a boss The day I bought my council house was the worst day of my life a loan for chuffin' everything to please the now ex wife the kids live with their mother got the bills and got no job and to top the bugger off just last week we buried Bob. yes to top the bugger off just last week we lost the dog I used to have a job that I quite liked It was just around the corner, I would go on my old bike and I used to call the boss a friend of mine but that's no longer true cos he's a two faced lying swine
6.
We shopped at Lidl, when you thought it was funny Aldi before it was trendy When half of the stuff they had on the shelf We’d test on the dog before we’d eat it ourselves cos no one knew what was in them cans Just some funny looking food from far off lands Now everyone’s got less money And our taste buds are not so funny We’ve tighten our belts and lied to ourselves We said everything is rosy, it’s just fine Debbie Sue and Jason are growing up fast They’re saving up deposits for little flats They both work at spoons on minimum wage cos that’s all there’s is round here these days Me and the missus try and help out where we can We made a few cut backs, well, that’s the plan We sit and watch Lewis’s money saving guide We‘ve switched our broadband, the gas and our leccy supply And we cancelled the pet insurance we get all the dogs pills online I’m pretty sure they’re be working cos we hardly ever hear Bob whine Then we blown out the sky subscription We both stopped going out drinking The truth is, nobody out, every where’s the same I’ve always said it’s more than just the smoking ban to blame We both vape now it’s cheaper than fags And Domingo baccy that we got from France Now our only chance of holidays a PPI claim, Or that accident I may have had when I was not to blame Cos everyone’s got less money And that Lidl song’s not so funny We’ve tighten our belts, we’ve lied to ourselves we said everything was rosy, it’s just fine Fun size bollocks Bite size shite Where getting ripped off it’s just not right The bags are lighter The bars are smaller There’s less in the bottles Now they’re thinner and taller You get less for your pound now We’ve all been tricked Now you only get 5 where you once got 6 What on earth has happened to this dying nation? It’s down on its knees But it’s not Shrinkflation Yes, I know there are massive gaps in Toblerone And less and thinner sheets on our bog rolls But there’s more important things that is happening to you Have you accepted that’s just how it is, there’s nothing you can do Our swimming baths have shut, the library’s next The fire station police station there’s not much left I think that we all need a pay rise 11%‘ll do Cos what’s good for the gander’s good for the goose. Everyone has got less money; our taste buds are not so funny, We tightened our belts we lied to ourselves that everything is rosy, everything is rosy, everything is rosy it’s just fine.
7.
Kyle sez to Norton lets swap shows Just for a week to see how it goes… Well that sound great Norton agrees It’s just the show mind not the fees Now Kyle’s doing Norton and Norton’s doing Kyle But they both still act the same Graham’s laughing at stories bout drinking and gambling and cutting up cocaine Now he’s fawning over tales from the council estate? About Big Kev, Steve and their dodgy mate Dave there’s tear drop tattoos, a few missing teeth They’re joined on the couch by a girl called Shanice There’s Fosters in cans the audience approve clapping; loving the open abuse The polygraph says that kids not yours But no one hears Norton over the applause If you’re bored and broke have a whiff and a toke There’s nothing left to do But dreaming of a better day Down at Wetherspoons Well it must be tough, there’s no jobs up there If every things shut down It’s either sell your gold or sell your soul In them rough arsed northern towns …. Sympathy and empathy are both in the room Norton’s got a tear in his eye But it’s a different story a click away Over on channel 5 Now Kyle has ‘em whooping in an hostile room Deftly applying divide and rule Heroin! he cries - what’s wrong with you and they call you a role model ……… You’ve got the world at your feet And that’s not enough All your kids have got different mums Your tax avoidance is questionable A six figure sum Boredom, divorce, drinking and drugs Loopholes to exploit Lawyers employed the best around To keep things out of court Don’t tell me you’re bored You got a beautiful wife Cash in the bank you’re set for life You’ve been sleeping around You’ve let ya family down Now, I’m sick of listening to you The baying and the booing are getting to him But Kyle keeps chipping away The drug test has proved positive You should be locked away. Two weeks later the swop is done Normality returns to five and one Again they’re cheering the substance abuse The drinking the nightlife, they’ve all been seduced The twinkle is fading but none of his charm Norton is grinning with two open arms They all join in when he burst into song Had his boredom been cured, was it merely prolonged? It’s such a forgiving crowd…
8.
Freethinker 02:12
FREETHINKER How can you sing a love song, you've never been in love do you still hold faith, now you’ve seen us from above writers win our history, fiction sells the truth you look into my red eyes, now give me back my tooth I won't take it as it comes no more I'll pull against your open door look around the corner you know it's not a sin don't tell me what to think cos,I will question everything, I'm a freethinking man, I don't need no guiding hand I'm a freethinking man and I don't care if I'm damned the centre of the universe, celebrated births, infidels and burnings, we’re falling from the earth, the mighty, the chosen, golden crowns The guilty ask the price and the innocent will drown. chorus two thousand years of evolution we're no closer to solution, face the facts with no delusion, take away all the confusion so we live with mind pollution, that's political contribution choice removed by dilution, leaves a poorly substitution War for peace now that's illusion, delivered with perfect elocution in the face of destitution, there is only one conclusion Revolution.
9.
Swearing in Songs Swearing in songs is not big or clever Using foul language doesn’t make ‘em better Cussing, cursing, spitting feathers Tone it down ya not a gangster rapper MF this and MF that F the police and F the cat F the system F this crap F it all to there and back... You don’t have to swear you could use different words Cos parental advisories never get heard On radio one or 103.2 So here’s a little tip from me to you… You’ll never get to number one If you’ve got swearing in your songs Just like Paul and George and John, (and Ringo) Leave the swearing out your songs….. If you wanna be a chart topper Don’t say shit you could say sugar Don’t say you wanna fuck her say you wanna love her And avoid the C bomb all together It might be that you’re living with Tourette’s Or maybe you don’t care who you upset… It’s unlikely that anyone’s impressed So for Pete’s sake give your foul mouth a rest Profanities can make vital points Adding anger to emphasis disjoint But if you want a number one duck Take a leaf from Elton John’s book forget the swears Use different words and with a little bit of luck your song just might get heard You’ll never get to number one If you’ve got swearing in your songs Just like Ringo Paul and and John, leave the swearing out your songs….. So if you wanna be a chart topper Don’t say shit when you could say sugar Don’t say you wanna fuck her say you wanna love her Avoid the C bomb all together
10.
You may look at demonstrators Think of them as trouble makers Their only interest, break the law But, I’ll Tip my hat to the agitators tip my hat to the protesters Saboteurs and those that heed the call The activists, the socialists the non-conforming maverick’s Firebrands, militant, the civil disobedient The square pegs in the round holes The atheist in the foxhole The ones that put two fingers up the ones that just don’t give a fuck Stubborn and inflexible, rebellious intractable Its people just like you and me that change the course of history I take take my hat off to them all… cos silence is acceptance after all The suffragettes, antifa , PETA and trade unionists, Communist, anarchist, pacifists that fought the fascist Non-compliant mutineers, feminist pioneers Heretics, malcontent, fly in the ointment Spanner in the works Young Turks Ones that buck the trend Never buckle, never bend The risk takers, rule breakers Greenham ladies rainbow warriors Resistance on Cable Street The ones that put two fingers up the ones that just don’t give a fuck Stubborn and inflexible, rebellious intractable It’s the Unrelenting visionaries that change the course of history I’ll take my hat off to them all cos silence is acceptance The punks and the poets the stick in the mud The ones that dig their heels in - Misunderstood So upset the applecart fuck the status quo Rock the boat, make some waves Agitate provoke …. The punks and the poets, the stick in the mud Ones that dig their heels in - Misunderstood So upset the applecart fuck the status quo Rock the boat, make some waves Agitate provoke Educate and organise, agitate provoke.
11.
He’s handsome, a little insecure Trendy shoes and six feet tall His film star looks will charm the knickers off ya mam Prefers the book to the film an educated man He plays guitar drums and flute Knows every single answer in trivial pursuit Speaks three languages, 3 degrees He can rock climb, skateboard does tai chi …… He’s an expert on subjects that no one understands Like Brexit, algebra and pineal glands He’s got dreads, well of course he has A surf board and a campervan He’s got dreads, you know he has Tribal tattoos from Vietnam Kids love him, he wants four Knows everything about ‘viron-mental law He knows the bassist in every band So he’s always on a guest pass, always on a guest pass - always on a guest pass He’s vegan, THAT’S OBVIOUS He buys organic from ethical shops He’s an activist, campaigning To raise awareness for the plight of the artic fox He’s in touch with his feminine side …… OF COURSE HE IS – He’s got gay friends, he’s got black friends He marches every year at pride He’s everything I’m not; he’s not scared of Davey Watts He’ll beat anybody’s cousin at Subbuteo Every set of traffic lights for him are always green The jammy fuckin’ bastard shagged the carnival queen He’s got dreads, well of course he has A surf board and a campervan He’s got dreads, you know he has Tribal tattoos from Vietnam He’s a black belt in bukakke, third dan at mah-jong Respected by the triads on the back streets of Hong Kong He listens, he’s tidy, he’s good a DIY Teetotal and he’s healthy with his no chips perfect smile With ease he’ll 7 ball ya He’s the king of Sunday League Score bull’s-eye, drop the jackpot Win the raffle and the sweep Always buys big issue Blue peter badge on his lapel His constant use of big words, I don’t know or cannot spell He’s got dreads, well of course he has A surf board and a campervan He’s got dreads, well of course he has
12.
Pete Drake - Oddly Excluded Monday’s the day I got suspicious in the glove box that’s where I found ya knickers. Tuesday’s the day that you went to the gym I know that’s not you and I know it’s for him. Cos my baby don’t call me baby no more she’s gone and changed all the locks on the door. she’s stopped pairing me socks in the drawer and I’m feeling oddly excluded. Wednesday’s the day that you made his dinner I guess he’s getting fatter and I’m getting thinner. Thursday’s the day you used the toothbrush he bought ya wasn’t mentally prepared for this dental torture. Chorus Friday’s the day that he walked up ya driveway guess that’s the day that he fucked ya sideway. Saturday’s the day I found out he’s a dick while you’re finding out what makes him tick. Chorus On my day of rest you asked for a threesome I said thanks for the offer but that sounds a bit gruesome. then in the end I came to the conclusion if I want my socks paired, then I’d better join ‘em. Now my baby calls me baby once more she’s gone and had three keys cut for the door and even though I’ve got to share a sock drawer I’m feeling oddly included.
13.
Too young to be a man But he’s old enough to sail Had a belly full of salt beef Got a belly full of ale Bound for lands uncharted, sailing the unknown Navigating by the stars a thousand miles from home. Pressed into a life running powder for the guns It’s a better life to die at sea than dying in the slums Better is this life for me Better now to drown at sea I won’t drown on land in poverty A strange wind hits the sail from above there came a cry The storm was born before us when thunder broke the sky Half way to hell aboard that ship They were halfway to hell when the black sky split It’s a sailors grave for me No angels only mermaids at the bottom of the sea It’s a sailors grave for me I’ll be drinking rum with black beard for eternity The barrel man has Davey’s grip the water has awoke It shakes the ribs and timbers and bones of the old salt Prayers are lost upon the wind his grip becomes a choke Now Davey Jones’ locker is pulling at the boat Hear Davey play bandoneon across his knee Nelson hear my shanty, I don’t care if you agree There’s rum there by the gallon Enough for all was the sea that came to take us not the sirens call Chorus

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released December 10, 2021

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Star Botherers UK

Star Botherers - 5 piece band based in Warsop - Notts -

Folk, punk, social commentary -

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Debut Album 'Happy Angry' is available on Bandcamp and other digital platforms -

Latest album - ‘Tales of Layton Rakes’ - released
10th Dec - 2021 - available on all platforms
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